For the days you feel a lack of control

Hiiii 👋🏾

Welcome to another SELFHOOD Sunday!

It feels like a lifetime since we last hung out.

I know I say this every time, but I really really hope this email finds you somewhere cozy, nourished and well-hydrated.

You know the deal…

It’s time for some Sunday self-exploration!

As always I have a lesson, 3 questions and a dare for you.

[A LESSON]

Before we get into it - if you’re struggling with the heaviness (and scariness) of the world right now, please know you aren’t alone in that.

I’m a visual person so the best way I can describe how these last few months/years have felt - is as this big-ass boulder of heartbreak, rage and stress, rolling downhill, growing heavier and harder to stop no matter what we do.

And just as many of us thought it might be slowing down, as you started to feel those sparks of optimism … NOPE.

I don’t think we talk enough about how debilitating crushed hope can be. Not only are you wrestling with the pain of disappointment, but it’s often partnered with this quiet sense of embarrassment, where you almost feel naïve or silly for even believing in the first place. It can challenge your trust in the world and, sometimes, yourself.

So this is my long way of saying, I know we are TIRED.

Despite what I said above, I’m aware this may be a more accurate representation of how this email actually found you…

So as we get into the focus of today, the friend I’d like you to bring along is discernment. This might be the exact thing you need to read today OR in 3 months time. Trust yourself and let this email meet you where you’re at.

When you feel a lack of control, try contribution.

In times when everything feels uncertain, it’s natural to feel like we’re at the mercy of forces beyond our control. But what if, instead of turning inward, the key to feeling more grounded—even powerful—lay in reaching out?

By focusing on what we can give, we find meaning that transcends our circumstances, reminding us of our value and influence, even in the face of unpredictability.

Research supports this, showing that people who contribute regularly, whether through volunteering or small acts of kindness, often develop greater resilience and emotional well-being. According to psychologist Alfred Adler, contribution can be an anchor during uncertain times. He calls this an act of “task separation”—choosing to focus on what is within our influence.

When we contribute without needing approval or validation, we build resilience in our relationships and cultivate a life of meaning, even during turbulence.

(If you’d like to learn more about Adler’s approach to life, The Courage to be Disliked - is a book I’d definitely recommend).

[3 QUESTIONS ]

1. What is one past act of contribution that made you feel genuinely fulfilled or connected?
   Revisit those moments—whether it was a small gesture of kindness or a time you helped a friend. What did you feel then, and what can that teach you about how you might contribute now?

2. If you were to focus on contributing to one area or group, what/who would it be?

   Would it be a neighbourhood cause, a friend’s well-being, or even supporting a local business? Where can you make a small, real impact that feels meaningful to you?

3. How can you contribute without expecting anything in return?
   What would it look like to offer your energy, time, or attention purely from a place of giving? Adler argues that true contribution is free from the need for reciprocation or approval.

[A DARE]

I dare you…

to choose one act of contribution to carry out this week.

It doesn’t have to be big—maybe it’s checking in on a friend, volunteering an hour, or supporting a small business. Notice how it feels before, during, and after. Consider making it a weekly ritual, experimenting with different ways of contributing to discover what resonates most.

Here are a few suggestions….

• Check on a Friend: Sometimes a simple message or call can change someone’s day. Reach out and see how they’re doing.

• Volunteer Virtually or Locally: Many organizations offer online volunteer options. Find a cause close to your heart and start small.

• Support Local Businesses: Shopping local has a ripple effect in your community. Share their pages on social media, you could share this newsletter with a friend.

• Offer Your Skills: Share a craft, skill, or area of expertise with someone who might benefit. It could be anything from cooking tips to resume reviews.

• Practice Small Acts of Kindness: Whether it’s letting someone cut in line or giving a genuine compliment, small acts go a long way.

• Join or Start a Community Group: Neighbourhood groups can be an incredible source of support and connection. Consider joining or creating one.

Remember: true contribution is more about the intention than the outcome. It’s about choosing to make a small ripple in the world, especially when life feels uncertain.

Let me know how it goes —I always love hearing your reflections.

See you on a Sunday!
L

P.S. We adore the community we’re building with this newsletter and we’d love to invite a few more folks. Do you have a friend you think might also enjoy some Sunday self-exploration?

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