Have you changed your mind?

Hiiii friend 👋🏾

You know the drill: get cozy, pour a drink, grab your journal. This is your time.

Let’s get honest today — like really honest.
Not in the “tell your boss you’re overwhelmed” kind of way. Although if that’s how you’ve been feeling, you should definitely do that. 

I mean honest with yourself.

The kind of honesty that stings a little… but also unlocks something big.

My big “life goal” has changed…

Since I was 18, I’ve been chasing the ‘powerhouse CEO’ dream.

And I was getting close — Director title, condo in the sky, fast-moving career with all the signs of the “corner office” path. I pictured myself running a 50-person team, flying business class, and using the word “scaling” waaay too much 🙃

I’ve always been the ambitious friend — the one who’d “make a mill.” And don’t get me wrong, I still plan to. But the vision? It’s changed.

These days, the luxury I’m chasing looks more like slow mornings, a local coffee shop, and a simple, unsexy routine.

For past-me, this probably looks like giving up. It’s boringggg.

But when I finally stopped resisting and admitted to myself that this is what I want, I wasn’t met with disappointment. I was met with relief. A full-body exhale.

There’s something quietly radical about letting go of a dream you’ve outgrown. About no longer pretending. That kind of honesty brings a peace I didn’t know I was missing.

You stop wasting energy trying to be someone you’re not.
And start using that energy to become someone who actually feels like you.

It’s a game changer.

So, let’s explore that a little more today.

As always, I have a lesson, three questions, and a dare for you. Let’s do this!

[A LESSON]

We talk so much about becoming, reaching higher, striving further, and constantly evolving. But there’s another kind of self-work that doesn’t get nearly enough credit: the moment you admit something isn’t for you anymore.

Even if you once wanted it. Even if you were good at it. Even if it’s what others expect from you.

Psychologists call this “adaptive self-knowledge”— the ability to revise your identity based on new, honest information about yourself. And while it’s linked to better well-being, less anxiety, and stronger decision-making, it’s not always comfortable.

We tend to hold on tight to identities we’ve spent years building:

“I’m the overachiever.”
“I’m the fixer.”
“I’m the one who makes it big.”

Letting go of these identities can feel like a personal death. But more often than not, it’s the moment you begin living on your own terms.

Self-honesty doesn’t always lead to growth in the traditional sense. Sometimes, it’s the end of striving that frees you. Sometimes, it’s saying, “I don’t want that anymore.” Sometimes, it’s giving up the version of adulthood you thought you should want and making room for the one that actually fits your nervous system, your joy, and your present-day values.

This kind of honesty might not look glamorous on paper, but it’s powerful as hell. It’s where peace lives. And paradoxically, it often clears the path for more aligned success anyway.

The realest self-knowledge doesn’t always feel empowering at first. Sometimes it humbles you. Sometimes it breaks your heart a little. And still, it sets you free.

This freedom has a name in psychology: self-concept clarity. It’s not about having a perfect self-image but about having a stable one. When you stop trying to be someone you’re not, or grasping for an identity that doesn’t fit, you get your energy back. And that’s when you begin to feel truly yourself — not constantly chasing some ideal version of what you’re “supposed” to be.

The reason we avoid this kind of honesty is partly cultural and partly primal. We live in a world that celebrates reinvention: “You can be anything!” “You’re just one breakthrough away!” And while I deeply believe in transformation, there can also be a quiet cost to all that self-optimization: we become afraid to admit the things that don’t change — or the things we wish were true about us, but just… aren’t.

Like the dream that doesn’t feel dreamy anymore.
Or the truth that we’re not the best at something we wanted to master.
Or the realization that we crave simplicity over success, freedom over family, or rest over ambition.

This is where ego and identity get tangled. The stories we tell ourselves about who we are — or need to be — are often coping strategies. They’re shaped by childhood, culture, and comparison. We cling to them because they give us certainty, direction, and belonging. But sometimes, those stories become prisons. And the bravest thing we can do is say, “That story’s not mine anymore.”

Even when this honesty doesn’t lead to some massive life overhaul, it’s still healing.

It grounds you. It releases the pressure to prove, perform, or push. It opens up space in your life for something truer.

This isn’t about settling. It’s about settling into yourself.

The you who’s not constantly trying to be more, better, or different.

The you who knows what’s real, and can breathe because of it.

[3 QUESTIONS ]

1. What belief about yourself or your life have you outgrown but still act like it’s true?

2. What are you scared will happen if you admit you've changed your mind?

3. If you were to start over from scratch today, what would you keep, and what would you leave behind?
   

[A DARE]

This week I dare you to:

Tell someone you trust about something you’ve changed your mind about.

It could be a small dream or a big life shift. The goal isn’t to justify or impress — just to share honestly. If your people are far away (or you’re more of a written-word kind of person), this is a perfect excuse to send a letter, an email, or a voice note.

To make it easier, you can forward this email to them, with your own version of this included in the body:

Hey [Name]

This email got me thinking. It’s been a while since we checked in on our dreams, and I’ve realized mine have shifted a lot lately.

Curious if you’ve changed your mind about anything big or small recently?

For me… I used to want [insert old dream, identity, or goal].
And now, the version of life I’m craving looks more like [insert your new story].

It’s weird how disorienting — and also freeing — it can be to admit that out loud.
Just wanted to share in case it sparks something for you, too.

Would love to hear where you’re at these days, if you’re up for it.

Big love,
[Your Name]

[COMMUNITY BOARD]

SELF-DATING

I’m still riding the high from last weekend’s Self-Dating event!

Not to be a dick, but it really was one of those you-just-had-to-be-there moments. The energy was magic, the reflections were deep, and the connections were next level. The croissants were great too. If you’re new here from the event, welcome 👋🏾. It’s so good to have you! And for those already asking about the next one - good news: we’re planning something beautiful for June.

PRIVATE COACHING 

As we enter this new month, I have 2 private coaching spots open for those ready to turn introspection into action. During the foundational 6 weeks, we strip it down to your identity basics — the beliefs, values, and internal script behind your choices — making the shifts required to become the version of you who naturally builds that life you want.

If you’re ready, you can > APPLY HERE <

See you on a Sunday!

L

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