The two words shaping your life

Hiiii friend 👋🏾

I so look forward to our slow Sunday mornings together!

You know the deal… if you aren’t already sat somewhere cozy (with your journal and a drink), stop reading and go do that.

Today our newsletter is centred around three letters / two words.

The small but mighty statement shaping who you are and how you interact with the world.

“I am”

If you’ve ever attended one of my workshops or talks, you know I love to hit people with the classic “Who are you?” question. Some might say it’s a little uncalled for - and honestly, I get it. But it always sparks the most interesting conversations, unexpected realizations, and deep connections.

Despite being one of the most fundamental questions of our existence, we rarely stop to think about it. So when we do get asked, we go blank, then scramble for a list of descriptors (your job is always one of them) that barely scratch the surface.

At best, these descriptors are kinda boring (sorry, but true). At worst? They’re limiting, even dangerous. Because believe it or not, how you define yourself could be the very thing keeping you stuck in habits, emotions, and maybe even a life you don’t actually want.

So today, let’s dig into that.

As always, I have a lesson, three questions, and a dare for you. Let’s do this!

[A LESSON]

Here are two similar, but different introductions -

"Hi, I’m Lauren, the Founder & CEO of SELFHOOD."

Or

"Hi, I’m Lauren, I’m currently trying to build a business."

Both statements are true.

Both are communicating the same aspect of my identity.

But they convey and *create* two very different realities (with corresponding feelings, actions and energy).

That’s the thing with these small but mighty words, they don’t just describe your reality - they create it.

Why? Because your brain believes everything you tell it.

Your brain is a pattern-making machine. Whatever you repeatedly tell yourself—whether helpful or harmful—it works hard to prove true.

This happens because of the Reticular Activating System (RAS), a bundle of nerves in your brainstem that filters information. Its job? To focus on what already aligns with your beliefs while ignoring what doesn’t.

That’s why if you believe, “I’m terrible at public speaking,” after a presentation, your brain will fixate on every tiny mistake. Meanwhile, the audience may have had a completely different (and more positive) experience. Neither experience is wrong—you’re just filtering reality differently.

Your subconscious is always working, managing everything from breathing to blood circulation. It doesn’t have time to question every thought, so it takes shortcuts, reinforcing what feels familiar. The path of least resistance is always the one it already believes.

So, if your "I am" statements are negative, your brain will work to confirm them.

How it does that? …

1. Selective Attention: Your brain constantly filters out millions of bits of information, only letting in what it deems relevant. If you believe “I’m bad at conversations,” your RAS will highlight awkward moments and silences while ignoring signs that a conversation went well.

2. Memory Bias: Your subconscious prioritizes memories that support what you already believe. If you think “I always mess up presentations,” you’ll vividly remember the time you lost your train of thought - but conveniently forget the times you spoke clearly and confidently.

3. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Your beliefs shape your actions. If you tell yourself “I’m not creative,” you’ll hesitate to try new ideas, reinforcing the belief that you lack creativity. Meanwhile, someone who believes “I’m always learning new creative skills” will take more risks, improving over time.

4. Emotional Reinforcement: Your brain releases stress hormones when something contradicts a deeply held belief (hello, cognitive dissonance). If you see yourself as “not good enough,” receiving praise might feel uncomfortable, even suspicious - so you dismiss it rather than letting it shift your self-perception.

The good news? This process works both ways. 

Start saying, “I am becoming a confident speaker,” and at first, your brain will probably resist. (After all, you may have spent years believing otherwise.) But with consistency and patience, your brain will start collecting proof until that belief feels natural.

Neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman explains that self-affirmations literally rewire neural pathways, making it easier to take action and change habits. And Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset shows that shifting from “I’m bad at this” to “I’m learning” increases resilience and adaptability.

So, what if you started shaping your reality with intention?

Instead of saying, “I’m terrible at public speaking,” try “I’m developing as a speaker.”

Or instead of “I want to be successful,” try: “I am actively building a fulfilling, successful life right now.”

Your brain is always listening. Make sure it’s hearing something worth believing.

[3 QUESTIONS ]

1. What are the most common “I am” statements you say about yourself out loud or in your head? Do they reflect who you want to be?
   E.g. “I am always anxious”, “I’m just a late person.”

2. If you could rewrite one disempowering “I am” statement into a new, supportive one, what would it be? How does the new version feel when you say it?
   E.g. Changing “I am bad with money” to “I am learning how to manage my money wisely.”

3. What is one belief about yourself that you want to reinforce more often? How can you remind yourself to affirm it daily?
   E.g. put it on a sticky note or set a daily phone reminder.

[A DARE]

Okay, I dare you…

To choose one powerful “I am” statement that truly resonates with the version of yourself you want to grow into. Get specific. Not just “I am good,” but “I’m getting better at trusting my gut instinct and intuition.”

Write it down. Say it out loud. Feel it.

Pay attention to how often you use “I am” throughout the week and challenge yourself to be more intentional with your words.

Because those words you choose? They’re shaping everything.

[COMMUNITY BOARD]

This week, I’d love to meet a few more of you!

Hit reply and introduce yourself with a sentence that’s getting you closer to the person you want to be.

I’ll reply back with mine :)

Looking forward to hearing how the self-exploration goes!

As always, hit reply if you have any thoughts, questions, or suggestions.

See you on a Sunday!

L

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