The Why of Your Life

Hey, 👋🏾

A question for you. Have you heard of the yellow car theory?

It’s the idea that focusing on something makes you see more of it. For example, say you’ve been researching a pair of new headphones. You finally decide on the ones you want. Then, suddenly, you see them everywhere—on the bus, in the shop, on the train.

This happens because of your Reticular Activating System (RAS)—the part of your brain that filters information and heightens your awareness of what’s relevant.

Now the same thing applies with concepts like meaning and purpose… but not in the way you might think I mean.

I’ll say upfront - I’m not a fan of the abstract, overwhelming notion of - “finding your purpose.”

I don’t believe there’s one magical ‘purpose rock’ hiding under a tree somewhere, waiting to jump out at you. Life is too complex and messy for that—and honestly, that’s what makes it beautiful.

And I say that as someone who did the whole -travel-to-find-myself- thing in my 20s.

I had the most incredible time, but existentially, probably came back feeling more lost.

Instead of one singular “purpose,” I believe there are anchors that can give your life a deep sense of meaning.

So, grab your beverage of choice (mine’s ginger tea today), get cozy, and let’s dive into this week’s Sunday self-exploration.

As always I have a lesson, 2 questions and a dare for you.

I’m just going to rip the band-aid off today…

[2 QUESTIONS ]

1. Why are you alive?

2. What are you willing to die for today?

(These questions aren’t mine - Arthur Brooks gets all the credit)

[A LESSON]

If you missed our last Sunday together, we unpacked Brooks’ three macronutrients of happiness: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. You can read it HERE.

This week, we’re zooming in on meaning.

According to Brooks meaning breaks down into three components that make up the why of your life:

• Coherence: Making sense of why things happen and how your experiences fit together.

• Purpose: Having a sense of direction and goals that guide you forward.

• Significance: Believing your life matters and that the world is better because you’re in it.

Without these, it’s easy to fall into a “meaning crisis,” where nothing feels connected or important.

The two questions above are part of an exercise he takes all his students through at the beginning of term, as they encapsulate these 3 components. 

Now, I get it, they are BIG questions. The kind that might make you want to close this email and do literally anything else.

But wrestling with them—scary and existential as it might feel—is how you’ll get closer to the grounding you’re looking for.

If you already have strong answers to those questions, amazing! I love that for you.

If your answers look more like, “Uh, I guess I’m alive because of biology?” or “Willing to die for? Uh…pass?”. I’m excited for you too.

Why? Because this is the starting point. The adventure is the next bit.

For me, I’ve found myself moving closer to things like family and faith, but I’m still figuring it out. Some days that uncertainty feels scary. But mostly, it feels exciting—like there’s so much left to explore.

And here’s where the yellow car theory comes in 🚖

One of my biggest issues with “finding your purpose” is there’s no real direction. You have no idea what you’re meant to be looking for, or how to know if you’ve found it.

When you focus your brain on specific questions—like why am I alive and what am I willing to die for—your RAS gets to work.

Suddenly, the world becomes your yellow car, revealing clues everywhere.

[A DARE]

Soo I dare you…

If you have clear answers to the questions above, I dare you to lean into them:

• If your “why” is connection, find ways to deeply connect this week.

• If you’d die for your loved ones, spend more time loving on them.

If your answers are a little more…hazy 😅 I dare you to start the adventure.

And if you don’t know where to start, here are a few suggestions:

• Reflect on past experiences: When did you feel most alive or moved?

• Explore what energizes you: Keep a journal this week. Notice what lights you up.

• Try something new: Step out of your comfort zone. Volunteer, take a class, pay attention to what resonates.

• Engage in conversations: Ask friends or mentors about the impact they think you have on others.

• Embrace stillness: Make time to sit with the questions. Stay still long enough to hear what comes up.

This journey doesn’t need to be perfect. Just start. Let your RAS find the yellow cars, and see where they lead you.

I can’t wait to hear what you discover.

With hugs and yellow cars,
L