Try being less of an expert on you

Hiiii friend 👋🏾

For my OG’s, you know exactly what I’m about to say…

Go find a cozy chair, pour a drink, and grab your journal. Welcome to your Sunday morning exploration time!

So here’s a wild idea to take into the week:

Try being less of an expert on who you are.

I know. Sounds backwards, right?

This is the email you use to try and figure yourself out. And now as you finally feel like you’re getting somewhere... I’m telling you to un-know?

Kinda, yeah 😬

I like to keep you on your toes…

But ALSO, because sometimes all that self-awareness turns into self-certainty.
And self-certainty? It’s sneaky. If you’re not careful, it can start to become a trap disguised as “truth.”

We carry these little identity scripts like personality resumes:

• “I’m anxious.”

• “I’m the responsible one.”

• “I’m bad at relationships.”

• “I always mess things up when they’re good.”

And we live into them like they're law.

We repeat them in therapy.
We joke about them on dates.
We fold our whole damn lives around them like fitted sheets.

But the thing is: just because a belief feels true, doesn’t mean it is.
(Side note: People once believed the Earth was flat and that margarine was healthy. Sooooo…. )

So that is what we will be digging into today.

As always, I have a lesson, three questions, and a dare for you. Let’s do this!

[A LESSON]

Okay, let’s get into the messy magic here -

The story you tell yourself about who you are - your self-concept - is built on a mix of truth, trauma, survival strategies, and outdated info. 

It’s a mashup of who you really are, plus who you had to be to get through life so far.

That’s why these identities can feel so sticky, because many have helped you survive. BUT they don’t always help you live.

Think about it: If you’ve been carrying the label “anxious” for a decade, that doesn’t just show up as nervousness; it shapes how you talk to yourself, how you move through relationships, even what you believe you deserve. That label is part diagnosis, part prophecy, part prison.

The trick? Recognizing that you are not the story you tell. You’re the storyteller. And you can change the story, rewrite it, or at least open the door to a new chapter.

Having a beginner’s mind about yourself means walking into your own life with curiosity instead of a checklist. It’s less about “mastering” your identity and more about exploring it, like you’re meeting an old friend who’s had some new adventures you haven’t heard about yet.

It’s the freedom to say, “Wait, maybe I’m not just an anxious person, maybe I’m someone who thinks a lot and hates being in large crowds.” Or, “Sometimes I get anxious in new scenarios, or around certain people” (vs it being a constant state of being).

This mindset is brave because it asks you to sit with uncertainty and discomfort. It asks you to lean into the unknown parts of you instead of hiding behind what feels safe and known, even if that safety is a cage.

Here’s the thing, in my humble opinion: self-expertise is overrated. I’d argue that the people who truly thrive aren’t the ones who’ve got themselves all figured out; they’re the ones who stay open, who ask questions, who keep peeling back layers, even when it’s hard.

Exploring > Expert

Because beneath every fixed label and every neat identity is a complex, evolving human who can surprise even themselves. And honestly? That’s where the real fun begins.

[3 QUESTIONS ]

1. What’s something someone you don’t like (an ex, old friend, etc.) probably believes about you that isn’t true?

2. If your identity were a brand, what outdated tagline are you still using?

3. What’s something you always said “wasn’t you”, but maybe... is??
   

[A DARE]

Play a quick game with me.

It’s called the unfinished sentence. It’s a projective technique used in psychotherapy and personality assessments to uncover unconscious thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

The idea is simple: you complete sentences like “I wish people knew…” without overthinking it.

Why? Because this helps you bypass your mental filters and gets to the deeper, often hidden parts of yourself that you don’t usually show or even realize are there.

So here’s your challenge: finish this sentence right now - no editing, no second-guessing:

“I’m not someone who…”

e.g.

• “speaks up”

• “works out”

• “makes the first move”

• “wears colour”

I dare you to be that person (at least once) this week*.

*obviously as long as that person isn’t a dick.

[COMMUNITY BOARD]

SELF-DATING

WYU2 next Sunday? Wanna come Self-Dating with a bunch of us?

If you found today’s email interesting, you’ll love this event, as we will be diving into your self-concept a little more. ​Through guided prompts, reflective exercises, and paired conversations, you’ll explore:

• ​The roles, labels, and stories you've carried

• ​Where they came from (and whether they still fit)

• ​The version of you you're becoming, and the shifts needed to get there

Deets 

• A stunning hotel in downtown Toronto.

• Sunday 22nd June (next week)

• 11am-2pm

• Coffee and yummy fresh pastries (always) provided.

You know what to do…

Tickets always sell out, so please don’t be that last-minute Larry that misses out. If you want to be there, buy your ticket and make it happen.

See you on a Sunday!

L

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