You need to re-identify yourself

Hey!

How’s your September going? Slow? Intense? Lovely? Weird?

That’s not a rhetorical question, hit reply and let me know.

These last couple of weeks have been the most disconnected I’ve been from the rest of the world in a long time (but naturally, the most connected I’ve been to myself).

So when I ask how things are, I really do mean it.

I’ve been off social, barely checking my phone, and this newsletter is the only “work-shaped” thing I’ve done. I’ve truly been living in my own little world, and as I wrote 2 weeks ago, the space has been necessary!

I can feel myself slowly wanting to emerge from the cocoon, although it’s not an easy decision. I really do thrive in silence - which isn’t always a good thing - but when it comes to reconnecting or re-identifying myself to myself, it’s always game-changing.

The “re-identifying” phrasing has been borrowed from the formidable Nina Simone.

It’s part of one of my all-time favourite quotes. During a 1968 interview, she was talking about the music industry and how hard it is to walk the tightrope between doing your best work and making money. She said:

“I have to constantly re-identify myself to myself, reactivate my own standards, my own convictions about what I’m doing and why.”

I’m going to let you read that again -

Think about that in the context of today’s world - with its constant divides, feeds, trends, and pressures. This practice isn’t optional. It’s a requirement.

It also sits at the core of why I do the work that I do, because self-stuff is hard. And I can tell you from both a lived experience and business perspective - very few people do it [It being: regularly getting intentional with themselves].

So that’s what we’ll be exploring today.

And don’t think I forgot 👀… go find that journal, beverage and cozy reading place.

As always, I have a lesson, 3 questions and a dare for you.

[A LESSON]

You know the one…

The friend, colleague, sibling, (maybe even a past version of you), who, after months of trying to ignore it, wakes up one day and realizes they hate their life. It’s not what they thought they were choosing.

They’re married to the person they used to love 5 years ago.

They’re a decade into a career which was meant to be the temporary job after university.

They have a lot of acquaintances, people they’d grab drinks with, but very few deep, enriching friendships.

At one time or another, I’ve been able to resonate with elements of all of these. Most of us have.

But do you know the story I’ve never once heard?

The opposite of this.

The person who accidentally wakes up in a life full of integrity. Where the money flows in through work that feels fulfilling and aligned. Where they’re in a relationship with their dream person, values matched, communication effortless, chemistry alive. Where friendships are deep and dependable, full of joy and honesty. Where they feel strong, healthy and IN their body, without dieting, pressure or restrictions.

Anyone know someone who ‘stumbled’ into this… ?

I’m willing to bet no, because a life like this doesn’t “just” happen.

Unfortunately, you can’t unintentionally build an intentional life. The math doesn’t math.

And for most of us in this community, the life I just described, with fulfilling work, deep friendships, a strong self and romantic love, is the kind of life we’re trying to move towards. But the reality is, it’s rare. Because it takes work and daily effort in a world that glorifies ease and speed. And that isn’t said from a judgy place, it does, and I love speed and ease as much as the next person. But in this area of life, it just doesn’t work. Being the person you want to be - a definition that will change over time - isn’t a one-time decision; it’s a practice.

And not ‘someday’, or when ‘things settle down’.

Today.

Through the choices you make, the standards you hold, the ways you re-identify yourself to yourself.

Psychology would call this self-concordance (the alignment between your goals and your values). Research shows people pursuing self-concordant goals don’t just achieve more - they feel more alive while doing it.

And who doesn’t want to feel alive?

The first step is actually knowing your values. But the work is actually living them, which requires revisiting, reactivating and practicing.

That’s what Nina knew. And it’s what I keep circling back to in my own life and my work: living as your favourite self isn’t an accident. It’s a practice.

[3 QUESTIONS ]

1. If you were to re-identify yourself to yourself today, what standards or convictions would you want to reactivate?

2. What are your standards or convictions (they may be your values)?

   These are 3 or 4 words or sentiments that steer the direction of your life.

3. What are you intentional about? What areas of your life are you most proud of?
   Could be health, friendship, work, faith etc.

[A DARE]

This week,

I dare you to choose one small act of re-identification.

Maybe it’s writing down a conviction you want to hold yourself to. Maybe it’s getting clear on your values. Maybe it’s saying no to something you’d usually agree to. Maybe it’s practicing a habit your future self would thank you for.

Make it tiny. Make it doable. But make it intentional.

Because drifting happens quietly. But so does transformation.

[COMMUNITY BOARD]

It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these. Coaching is currently fully booked for September and October, but the waitlist for November is open [here].

In the meantime, something exciting is on the way — a way for you to start your own practice. A tool built from my knowledge, experience, and lessons over the past few years, designed for you to actually bring into your life (lounge).

It’s been years in the making (with a recent pause these past few weeks), but we’re in the final stretch now. Finishing touches are happening over the next couple of weeks… which means it’ll be in your hands very soon.

See you on a Sunday,

L