You’re a patchwork of your people

Goooood morning!!

Not sure why, but it feels like it’s been longer than a couple of weeks since we last hung out.

I hope your summer’s off to a nourishing start. It’s been busy but good over here.

We also have quite a few new faces, so if that’s you, hiiiiii 👋🏾 I’m so glad you’re here.

You’ll hear me say this often, but if you’re not already cozied up somewhere with a drink and your journal, go do that now.

This is your Sunday self-exploration time.

Today’s reflection was sparked by a Tumblr post I came across months ago that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

Well… less ‘thinking about’. More the feeling it gave me.

It felt soft. Familiar. Like a hug. A reminder that “small but mighty” is a real thing.
A celebration of all those seemingly tiny ways we still carry the people we’ve loved, even if only for a season.

So today, we’re exploring those parts of you. The ones you’ve absorbed from the people who’ve passed through your life, whether they were permanent fixtures or just characters in a chapter.

As always, I have a lesson, three questions, and a dare for you.

Let’s get into it.

[A LESSON]

• I take my coffee black because that’s how my mum drinks it.

• One of my favourite movies is Remember the Titans — because it’s my dad’s.

• My going-out playlist? One that was made for my friend’s 25th.

• I listen to church music when I clean the bath, because my roomie used to

What about you?

What little pieces in your life — your routines, your tastes, your choices — came from someone else?

So many of our preferences, habits, and quirks didn’t just appear. They were passed on, picked up, or left behind like artifacts of connection.

Even people who broke our hearts left fingerprints on us.

One of the core messages behind my work — something I spend my days trying to help people feel in their bones — is just how vast each of us really are.

Too often, we shrink our identity down to job titles, roles, race, or gender. And while those matter, they only scratch the surface.

You are a mosaic.

Layered with the sounds, scents, styles, sayings, and soft rituals of the people you’ve shared space with. Even if just for a weekend. Even if you don’t talk anymore.

And science backs this up.

Psychologists call it social imprinting, the idea that our identities are shaped by the people we bond with, especially during emotionally heightened or transitional moments.

Whether it’s a song, a smell, or a Sunday routine, our brains begin to associate those things with connection. Over time, they become part of our story.

There’s another fascinating concept called transactive memory systems — which basically means we outsource parts of our functioning to the people we’re close to.

One friend remembers birthdays. Another always knows the directions. Someone else curates your music taste.

(My mum has always been my “birthday go-to.” She gets the same “is it their birthday today” texts from me every year.)

When those relationships fade or end, we can feel disoriented, not just because of grief, but because we’ve lost a piece of how we operated.

Even memory itself is social. Studies show we recall stories, values, and preferences differently depending on who we’re with.

Which makes sense as: Identity is co-created.

And there’s something oddly comforting about that. It reminds us that who we are isn’t fixed or solitary, it’s fluid. Evolving. Shared.

This kind of noticing is where self-discovery really begins. Not by building some ideal version of yourself, but by gently peeling back the layers and asking:

Where did this part of me come from?
Is it still mine, or am I just holding onto it out of habit?

Which leads us perfectly to the next part…

[3 QUESTIONS ]

1. What’s a small habit, taste, or opinion you have that came from someone else?

2. Who are three people who’ve shaped your everyday life in quiet, lasting ways?

3. What identity, process, or preference are you holding onto out of habit?
   

[A DARE]

This week, (it’s a cute one), I dare you to…

Start a little chain of impact.

Tell someone about a part of you that came from them — a habit, a phrase, a recipe, a ritual, even something tiny.

Maybe it’s the way you fold laundry.
Or the show you rewatch when you’re sad.
Or how you say “love you, bye” on phone calls now, because they did.

Say it out loud. Share it in a DM. Send a voice note. Post it if you want to go wide.

However you do it, just let them know: "Hey, this little piece of me came from you."

Then, invite them to pass it on.
Ask them: What’s a part of you that came from someone else?

When we share these stories, we remind each other that we leave quiet legacies everywhere, often without even realizing it.

Let’s build a chain of gratitude.
Of identity, shared and shaped.

Because the smallest parts of us are often the most powerful.

[COMMUNITY BOARD]

🎉 INTRODUCING - SELF-DATING: HOME EDITION 🎉

I am personally SO excited about this!!

I can’t tell you how many messages we’ve received from people who wanted to take part in Self-Dating, but couldn’t due to schedule conflicts, funds, or being on the other side of the world 🤷🏽‍♀️

So we fixed that - and now you can!!

Introducing Self-Dating: Home Edition, a carefully curated digital experience that will allow you to bring the magic of Self-Dating to wherever you are in the world.

Here’s how it works:
→ You’ll start with a short video to help you set up your space for the perfect vibes
→ Then, you’ll move through 6 guided stations, designed to help you reflect, explore, and meet more of yourself
→ The whole experience takes about 60–90 minutes
→ All you need is some solo time, a cozy spot, and a willingness to be real with you

We’re kicking off with the same theme as our last IRL event: Your Self-Concept is Showing (so if you were at that one, you’ve already been on this date).

But if you weren’t — and you’re curious about the stories you tell yourself (and the rest of the world) about who you are… This one’s for you.

And the best part? It’s only $26 for the first 50 Self-Daters, and you get dibs. The rest of the world finds out tomorrow.

Grab your journal, carve out a couple of hours, and get ready to (re)introduce yourself to… you.

It can also serve as the perfect present for that friend or sister who could do with a little ‘me time’.

See you on a Sunday!

L

P.S. This is just the first of many, so if you have specific topics or themes you’d like a Self-Dating experience built around, let us know!

P.S. If you found today’s newsletter helpful, forward it to a friend who might need a little self-exploration in their life. Sharing is caring! They can »> Sign up here «<